We have been gearing up for this surgery since the day we found out about Josiah's heart condition. That was when I was 23 weeks pregnant. It seemed like an eternity until we got to this point. We had so much to conquer before we got here. As I sit and write this, we are very much in the thick of things. Sitting in the ICU, looking at wires, IV pumps, monitors, syringes, drainage tubes, scars; it's a relief to know that we're past this surgery.
We spent 3 months at home and we've been working so hard to reach milestones, only to have them squashed by this fast approaching day. Although we'll have some more work to do now, there isn't another fast approaching surgery that looms ahead of us. After this, we get to go home...stay home...for at least a year (Lord willing)! When we go home now, we can reach milestones and go to the next. I don't have to wonder how long it will take him to roll over again after open heart surgery. I won't have to wonder if he'll have an aversion to things in his mouth since he won't have another breathing tube. We'll get to feel like every success gets to remain a success because we won't have to work to succeed at that skill again. Sweet relief!
Relief was the feeling that overwhelmed me when we were told that his surgery had finished. Calm. We made it to this day that has been greatly anticipated. He did it. But funny how those feelings can quickly turn to fear, anxiety, and panic. I knew that recovery wouldn't be easy. I knew! But I hoped for the ease that I've heard about with other kids. Our little man marches to the beat of his own drum. He doesn't do well with anesthesia. He takes a while for his tummy to wake up and allow food in again. He just had open heart surgery! He deserves to be cranky! But his cranky turns into oxygen saturations dropping and arching his back and flailing his arms and kicking his legs. Agh! While being mad at one point, he held his breath for so long that he passed out. Talk about giving your mother a heart attack! Geez!
We are now headed into night #2 and I feel hopeful that we've taken a turn for the better. His bleeding has stopped. He isn't waking up in thrashing anger. He's sleeping. He's calm. How has this all been in a span of less than 48 hours? Looking back, it will all seem like a horrible dream and a blur of a reality. But for today, I continue to pray and ask The Lord to control this recovery process and heal my sweet little boy.
