A Full Year

Needless to say, this has been one busy year! January started off with finding out the news of being pregnant with our little peanut. We were beyond thrilled! We always said that we wanted to wait 5 years before starting our family and after celebrating our 5-year anniversary in December, I'd say we accomplished that goal! From February through April, it was a pretty standard year. I was doing my thing, working as a preschool teacher. I woke up every morning completely miserable, throwing up because of my pregnancy and heading into work nauseous. I rarely took sick days in my 6 years of working at my job and I think I used the more sick days during those few months than I did in all 6 years! My little babe was already striving for Momma's full attention!

The end of April is when things started to take off for 2013. Michael got a call that he had three more tests to complete as part of the final interview process and he would start his new job...in 2 weeks! We traveled down to Texas for a brief stay. Michael passed all of the tests, I found us an apartment to live in and we headed back to Nebraska all within 3 days. Michael spent 5 days at home and then he was off. During those 5 days at home, Michael finished his last days at his current job and we had our 19-week ultrasound letting us know that we were having a BOY! That ultrasound also revealed that they couldn't see his heart adequately, so we needed to come back in 4 weeks for an ultrasound of his heart. There was nothing that ever sparked concern for us, we just figured our little man was much too wiggly for them to get a good look at his heart. Looking back, I wonder, did they see someone wrong? I'll never know. We celebrated the news of our little boy, had a last minute farewell pretty for Michael, and then he was off! He left for Texas and he stayed with some very gracious friends for 4 weeks until I moved down and we moved into our apartment together.

May was the start of my whirlwind. With Michael gone, that left me to pack up everything in our apartment, finish my school year and say some very hard goodbyes to coworkers and preschool families alike. May 29 was the day of my ultrasound to look at our little guy's heart. My mom joined me for the ultrasound because I figured it's something that she doesn't get to do often, if ever, since it's typically a husband job. :) The ultrasound took about 30+ minutes, with me doing toe touches in the middle to get Sy to change position.  The tech gave me a hug when the ultrasound was finished and I thought she was just super sweet. My mom left for a band concert?...and I went to visit with my doctor. After 45 minutes of waiting in the room, she came in and started to explain the diagnosis. Through subtle tears, I was trying to comprehend what she was telling me. What's wrong with his heart? Are you sure? What does this mean? I went out to the hallway and crumbled into tears. I called my mom and sobbed. She tried to understand my words through my broken tears.  Michael landed on his lunch break and I tried my best to explain what I had just heard and he cautiously said, we don't know anything yet. Maybe they didn't see something correctly.

May 30 (two days before the move): I saw a specialist and he confirmed that Josiah had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. Sigh. My energy was gone. I still had things to pack! My friends stepped up and packed the rest of our apartment. The specialist connected me to Dallas Children's Medical Center and I spoke with a lovely woman named Cindy, who was and is one of the sweetest woman I've ever met! She made an appointment for me to come in on June 12 for another fetal echo and she also connected me to a high risk OB.

May 31 (one day before the move): I spent one more day enjoying my family and trying to process the news. We got our things packed into the trailer that night, with the help of many friends and family, and I spent the night at my parents house.

June: June 1 was the big move. Our wonderful friends drove me down to Texas with all of our stuff and I fell into Michael's arms the moment I saw him. What a 3 days that I had had! June 12 was my echo, meeting with the social worker, financial counselor, tour of the ICU, and meeting with the cardiologist who explained everything in detail. I was thankful for The Lord prompting my mom to be at my side that day. She and my sister traveled down for that day and little did I know how much I needed them! I went back to Nebraska with them for 3 more baby showers and some final goodbyes.

July: Well, I guess it's official. I live I'm Texas now. Sigh. Mid-July, I finally came around to getting the nursery ready. It took me about 2 months to grieve the news and get myself to the point where I could see a future with this baby who I was carrying. I finally started in on nursery projects when my water broke on July 23! No! I'm only 31 weeks pregnant! I went to the hospital, where they admitted me and I stayed until my little peanut arrived. The stay was short lived because Josiah had plans of his own and came early.

August 3: Josiah was born! I got to hold him for maybe a minute when he was born and that was the most precious minute of my life. He was swiftly taken away and they started poking and injecting things into his tiny body to ensure he lived. I watched through tears as they did their initial things before whisking him away to the NICU. Michael stayed by my side. We both got a short nap until they brought me back to my room and got Josiah ready for transfer. Michael left on the ambulance with Josiah and I stayed behind. I'm pretty sure I tried to sleep, but as I was just beginning to learn, a good sleep does not come at the hospital! Michael picked me up in the afternoon and brought me over to Children's to see our baby. I held him for about 20 minutes. Our nurse, Curtis, kept shaking Josiah's foot and hand, saying he was getting "too comfy". Little did I know that that meant he kept not breathing. I handed him back. They put him back in his box and I looked at him until I went back to the hospital for the night.

August 4: I was discharged from the hospital and I spent every waking hour at Children's with my little man.

August 7: Josiah had his first surgery. It was not planned for that day, but he took a turn for the worse the night before, so they took him away. I held him once more and Michael got there just in time to hold him, as well. The surgery was successful and he came back with more tubes and wires than I could have ever imagined! It was awful seeing him like that. With all of my new mommy emotions, plus feeling the weight of all of this, it was too much!

The rest of August went pretty smoothly until August 27, when one of Josiah's lines got mysteriously pulled and we didn't know if we would ever get to take our little boy home. He was the sickest that I had ever seen him and the 2 days following were horrible. They placed a stint on August 28 and our little guy turned around.  September was all preparation for his big operation, as he just needed to get to full term and gain weight. Those were some of the best weeks we spent at the hospital! He was IV free, he breathed regularly on his own and I could hold him as much as I wanted!

September 24: Josiah's due date and Norwood operation. This was the hardest day of my entire life. Signing those papers and handing him off for this operation was miserable. His sweet little head was soaked in my tears as I handed him off to the anesthesiologist. It was that morning that I gave him to The Lord and gave away control.  His surgery was a success and it took about 3 weeks in the ICU to recover.

October 29: Home! Josiah is discharged for the hospital and we headed home!

November and December: Home is filled with days of snuggles and kisses to make up for lost time! We meet with therapists and go to clinic appointments and we rarely have a day free of appointments. There are times that I sit with Josiah in my arms and cry as I think of how special he is to me, how much he has gone through and how much he still has ahead of him.  Tears of fear, unknown, love...  It got to be about mid-December when I came out of this blur of a reality that we've been living. We really do live in Texas now. We really do live far away from family and all of our friends. I have these two boys that are my whole world and not many people get to experience them with me because everyone's so far away.

Like I said, it's been a full year! In the midst of this year there have been hardships. There have been decisions and days that have not been my favorite. There have been tough calls and tears. However, there has also been joy. There has been peace in the unknown. God has had control over this year.  He has control over every year. He knew that Texas was the best place for us, even if I didn't want to believe it. He knew this place...this place that is so foreign...so far from "home"...so far from everyone we love...this place would grant us life with our little boy. A life to be cherished.  A life where everyday is a miracle.

Tomorrow is the start of a new year.  I know that 2014 holds tears and fear of what's to come, but it also holds joy. Michael will graduate and start his job--one that he's been waiting years to start. Josiah will have another surgery, but that means that he'll be one step closer to living a better life. And I will continue to find my place in this new life that we are living. My place as wife, mom, nurse, cook, maid...

This was a full year, but a year that I wouldn't trade for anything because this is the year that I became a mom.

A New Perspective... Home

Ahh..Home sweet home!  I don't think anything is better than taking your baby home from the hospital!  Our almost 3 month hospital stay was long enough and we were ready to say "Adios"!  I'm sure every new parent has the overwhelming feeling of anxiety right when you get home with a baby and I felt it strong our first night home!  We hadn't been home for 3 months, our apartment was a disaster and our baby came with a list of "to-dos".  I didn't know where to start! How am I supposed to remember his medications and the correct dosages? Where are all of his necessary supplies? Let alone...when do babies go to bed?  Ha!  

About a week or so into our new home life, I picked up one of Sy's bed time books again.  This book brought tears to my eyes every time I read it to him in the hospital and it brought tears to my eyes again.  The book starts like this:

"I'll see you in the morning, for now it's time to sleep.

I will stay and watch a while, till you are counting sheep.

Don't be afraid of darkness, don't be afraid, my sweet.

The night is just a blanket that helps the earth to sleep."

This is the part that always got me--

"I'll be here if you need me, I'm only steps away."

At the hospital, I'd change the words to, "I'm only a phone call away".  It broke my heart every time.  When I read that line at home and got to say the words, "I'm only steps away", I was flooded with emotion.  I'm only steps away!  You're home! It's my favorite line in the book.

When we were in the hospital, I started reading "Baby Wise", as I have heard my sister rave about this book from her own three girls.  I think I got to the 3rd or 4th chapter when I put it down and realized, this doesn't relate to Josiah.  Schedule? What schedule? His schedule is that he eats every three hours on the dot and gets medicine every 6 hours.  The kid can sleep whenever he wants because he has that special skill of sleeping and eating at the same time! Although we would love for him to take a bottle, his feeding tube has become a bit of a blessing for us, as sleep deprived parents!  Instead of waking up every three hours to eat throughout the night, he sleeps 10-12 hours at night because food is just being pumped into his stomach for him!  Even still, we'll keep working with him to take a bottle. :)

That feeding tube has brought the attention of random strangers on the rare occasion that I do take him on an errand with me.  I've come to realize that I look at my precious baby and see him and only him.  When I go out, people see that tube coming out of his nose and wonder what's wrong with him?  While standing in the checkout line one day, one lady asked me how old he was and I told her that he was 3 months old. "Wow!" She said.  "He's small!"  Having a variety of things go through my head, I told her he was a preemie and came 8 weeks early.  She responded by saying, "Oh. So he's only 1 month old."  I politely smiled and turned away, all the while thinking, Noooo...he's 3 Months!  My little man had more done to him in those first two months of life than most people have in their entire lives!  Please don't take that away from him because he's small. 

It's interesting how we look at people.  We see their disabilities first.  But does anyone look at that disability and wonder how much that person has overcome? I'll be honest--I rarely did, if ever.  Having a baby with a disability changes that perspective.  My baby was born 8 weeks early, had 2 major surgeries on his heart and has a feeding tube because he's still learning how to eat.  That skill was taken from him when he wasn't allowed to try a bottle until he was 2 months old.  Now he's learning.  He's overcoming the obstacles that he's been handed. 

Bringing home a baby is a lot of work.  Bringing home a sick baby is A LOT of work!  But, we've found our routine and things run pretty smoothly around here.  It's wonderful to be home!  I've learned his meds and can now draw all of them up for the day in a 5 minute time span.  I get his milk ready in the morning. We have therapists come to our home and we go to weekly visits at the clinic.  It's rare that we get to spend a day at home with no one coming over, but we cherish those few days that do come our way.  I feel blessed to be a mom. I feel blessed to be a mom to my miracle baby.  He's a lot of work, but there's no work that could bring me more joy!  I think back on my years as a teacher and think of my love for that job and the families who I encountered.  Let me tell you, those days seem like forever ago!  I can tell that my job helped to prepare me for this stage of my life.  The different activities that were implemented in my classroom to develop physical skills, cognitive skills, social/emotional skills, and language skills.  These are all things that I work with Josiah's therapists on, except in baby form. :) 

We love being home and feel so blessed to make it out of the hospital!  I remember when Josiah was only 9 days old and we spoke with a fellow mom of a 3 year old daughter with HLHS.  She told us how great her daughter is doing and how she's thriving!  I remember her walking away and I broke down in tears.  It didn't feel like we'd ever make it to this moment.  But here we are, 3 months later and I can say that my little boy is thriving!  His cardiologist says he's perfect.  I agree.  He is perfect.  I couldn't be more blessed. :)

Roller Coasters

Ever since we’ve started this crazy journey, we’ve been told that life in the ICU is like a roller coaster.  For me, roller coasters are not my favorite.  They’re high in the air, they go up and down and they feel like they’ll never end.  I guess that’s a fair assessment of what life is like these days…except we stay on the third floor. J 

Michael and I tried our best to prepare ourselves for the big day when our sweet little peanut got whisked off for his huge surgery.  It’s safe to say that no amount of preparation could have gotten us ready for that day.  As I held him in my arms the morning of, I wept over him, wondering if I would get to hold my breathing baby again.  It finally came down to me crying out to the Lord and saying, “Alright God, you love him even more than me and your hands are even more capable than our surgeon’s…watch out for my baby today.”  It was about 9 hours later when I saw him again. He had a breathing tube down his throat; his chest was open with his tiny heart beating underneath and he was so swollen from surgery, but I breathed a sigh of relief because he made it! God brought him through!  Ahh..I let down.

The next couple of days following the surgery were great.  Josiah was doing exactly what he was supposed to be doing.  The doctors gave him a B+ for post-op behavior.  We were having fun at the top of that roller coaster!

But with all roller coasters, they have to go back down and that’s exactly what happened.  Josiah got his breathing tube out and things started to go haywire.  His left lung collapsed and I was talking to a team of doctors who I had never met before and more importantly, they had never met Josiah.  My mama bear came out and the need to protect my baby felt overwhelming.  Little things about my baby, which made a huge difference, were the things that I knew and had to speak up for.  There were days when I felt like it was me against the world.  I know that these doctors are capable and good at their jobs, but they didn’t know my baby.  I stayed at the hospital for 4 days straight, day and night.  By the end of the 4^th day, I looked at Michael and told him I needed to go home.  I need to get out of this place that has been draining me in every way possible.  Even though it was just a night’s sleep, it made all the difference in the world. The next morning, sedation medication caused our little peanut to stop breathing—3 times. Every two hours, his levels would drop and he needed resuscitation.  There is nothing worse than watching your child be resuscitated.  I’ve seen it far too many times in this ICU experience and it’s something that I pray we’ll never see again.  I pray that he thrives and his heart would keep up with him.

By the end of that week, his lung was inflated and working as it should.  Let me tell you, it felt like the longest week ever!  It’s crazy to look back at how the days have gone ever since Josiah was born.  There are days that feel like an eternity.  There is constant monitoring of his levels and fear of them dropping.  I don’t know if I should leave for the night since we’ve had such a scary day.  But it was all in a span of 14 hours.  A looong 14 hours!  Some of these days drag by and I wonder if we’ll ever go home and live a normal life?  All the same, I look back and realize that 2 months has flown by!  How did my baby get to be 2 months old already?  I feel like I’ve been cheated out of 2 months of his life because we’ve been stuck here.  I feel like we keep looking to getting him to the next step so he’s more stable and we miss out on his current cuteness.  Sometimes I think about how hard it was that he was a preemie because we spent so much longer in the hospital and he wasn’t even supposed to be here yet. He’s an 8 pound 2 month old and he should be an 8 pound 2 week old!

It’s hard to not look ahead when you’re staring at your baby’s open chest and hoping that it gets closed sooner than later.  It’s also hard not to look ahead when you’re not allowed to hold your baby.  I spent 5 of his 9 weeks of life just looking at him, holding his hand and giving him kisses.  I just waited for the day when I could pick him up and rock him.  All I wanted was the day to arrive that I could hold him!  I was looking ahead. 

Now that I can snuggle my baby, I want time to stop.  Hold on…let me catch up! Let me savor every moment that I get to hold him and feel his tiny 8 pound frame in my arms. Give me those 2 months back!

I feel like our roller coaster ride is going back up, but this time, we’re getting up to the platform where we exit this crazy ride.  That is my prayer!  Let’s not have one more dip before we leave the ride.  Josiah’s doing great and he’s making strides in the right direction!  Time to exit the roller coaster and figure out what life is like with a new baby…!

Feeling Motherhood

It’s been a while since I’ve written blog post about everything that we have going on now a days.  Since the minute our sweet little Josiah Michael was born, our lives have become even more of a whirlwind than they had been!  There have been so many emotions: fear, joy, anxiety, excitement…  I think that the one emotion I didn’t expect to feel was the lack of being a mom.  Being a mom is something that you just feel—it’s unexplainable.  For me, I had anticipated the day that I would have my little bundle and look at him with joy and peace. To sit with your baby and look with amazement that this little person was sown together inside of you and marvel at the complexity of everything that took place.  It took me about 5 weeks to get to this place of feeling like a “mother”. 

The other day, one of the ladies from the hospital asked me if their team had done a good job of preparing us for life in the ICU.  I looked at her and told her that that question was hard to answer.  I explained that the tour they gave and the information they shared was good, but it feels as though the emotion behind everything is impossible to convey.  Having never experienced motherhood before our little peanut arrived, all of the feelings of being a new mom surfaced, as well as the overwhelming emotions that I experienced of having him taken from me within the first minute he was born.  I went through painful labor to see my baby for less than a minute and have him be whisked away by the NICU team standing beside the bed.  I felt like Michael and I became a family of 3 for a split second and went back to being just “us” again.  Seeing your baby connected to wires and machines is something that no one can prepare you for. Being a mom meant that I had a little person who relied solely on me.  I gave him nutrition, I changed his diapers, and I rocked him and soothed him when he was upset.  None of this was true for the first few weeks of his life.  Although I provided nutrition, it is all very mechanical. I pump, put it in a labeled bag, hand it off to a nurse who then hands it down to the “milk bank”, where it is then mixed with formula for added calories and put into a syringe that gets pumped into his feeding tube.  Nothing about this promotes a loving and motherly picture.  I didn’t even change his diaper until he was a few days old because I didn’t know if I was “allowed” to.  When a nurse looked at me and asked if I wanted to change his diaper, I just wanted to weep because of course! Yes! All I want to do is to be a part of his life, even if it means changing his dirty diaper!  It wasn’t until he was about 6 weeks old that I got to help give him a real bath.  The nurses give baths in the early hours of the morning, when I’m at home sleeping.  One of the night nurses caught us before we left for the night and asked if we wanted to help with bath time before we went home.  I wanted to hug him!  There was nothing better than taking wires and stickers off of Josiah’s little body and watching him so peaceful in a tub of warm, soapy water.  I could actually see my baby under all of the wires that constantly occupy his small body.

I went for 3 ½ weeks without even holding my baby.  I touched his head, held his hand and sang him songs.  I asked the doctors every day for a solid week if I could hold him and the answer was always “no”.   I gave up.  I felt defeated.  Fortunately, there were two nurse practitioners who didn’t.  They still asked.  They knew it was important for both of us!  Finally, that day came and my sweet boy was placed in my arms again!  They told me that it was the day I had been waiting for-I would get to hold him!  I made sure that there was nothing I needed to do so when he was placed in my arms, I could just sit and enjoy.  That’s exactly what I did that day: sat and enjoyed him for 3 solid hours.  It was perfect!

There are so many privileges that get taken when your baby goes straight to the hospital. The nurses and doctors do a great job.  They are keeping my precious baby alive!  But…it’s so hard to stand by as a mom and feel as though everything has been taken from you.  To have to ask if you are allowed to hold your baby. To get to a place where it’s ok for you to change a diaper. 

Recently, a nurse asked if I minded if she changed his diaper.  Yes.  I’m sorry, but I do mind. I know that he gets terribly upset about diaper changes.  He needs his pacifier in between and I stop and give kisses mid change to calm him down.  His levels start getting out of whack during a diaper change and I know how to keep them steady.  This is your second day with him and you don’t know any of these things about him.  I have to let the night nurses change his diaper because I’m not here, so when I am here, this is MY job.  These were all of the things that raced through my mind.  A simple “No, I’ll do it please” seemed to suffice. 

Obviously, being a mom has finally sunk it and it is the best feeling in the whole world!  It’s also one of the hardest, as I’ve grown more and more attached to my precious boy and I will watch as he is taken away for this major surgery.  I’m not ready for him to be taken.  All I want is to be able to protect him and hold him and tell him that it will all be ok.  I must say again that I am SO grateful for the nurses and doctors who know what they are doing.  They are keeping my baby alive!  The nurses and doctors are doing what they know how to do and they are doing it well. I must also say that nothing about this situation is easy.  There is a balance to all of this and part of that balance is learning how to speak up on my part.  Knowing that it’s ok to ask questions and ask nurses if I can help.  Finding my voice in all of this has been hard, but crucial for my benefit and Josiah’s.

Beads of Courage

Here’s to something really neat that the hospital does for their heart patients!  Beads of Courage is a program that symbolizes all that these heart kids have had to go through.  Every time that Josiah has something done, he gets a bead for it.  There are 27 different categories for beads.  Things like getting lines placed, sleeping over in the hospital, getting echocardiograms or x-rays, tube insertions and removals, cardiac surgery, ventilator support, etc. are all things that Josiah gets beads for.  Josiah has accumulated 10 yellow beads because he has slept over in the hospital for 10 nights.  I know he will have many more yellow beads!  He has gotten over 12 light green beads for getting different scans and tests done—sometimes multiple times a day.

Josiah has only been with us for 9 days and this little fighter has already accumulated over 70 beads for all the things he has had to go through!  I’d say this little man is pretty courageous!  This is such a positive spin to the hard and painful things that our little guy braves each day. Keep on fighting, Josiah!  You are courageous!

New Parents

We’re parents!  Josiah Michael Bailey arrived on August 3 at 4:04 am.  He came at 32 weeks and 5 days--my actual due date was September 24!  Josiah weighed 5 lbs 2.9 oz and measured 18.5 inches long.  The doctors have been very impressed by his size for how early he decided to enter into this world! 

Josiah is now 6 days old and it feels like we have lived in a giant medical bubble for those 6 days.  Michael and I were talking about our little guy last night and I mentioned that he was only 5 days old and he was stunned that so much has happened within 5 days!

Michael and I are thrilled with our precious little boy.  The labor went quickly and once Josiah arrived, I feel as though things just haven’t slowed down.  Josiah was placed on my chest for about 30 seconds when he was born and Michael got to cut the umbilical cord.  This was so special that we got to have one “normal” aspect of delivery.  After that, the NICU team was quick to take Josiah and start placing tubes and lines in him.  The team at St. Paul worked with him for about 2 ½ hours.  They put a tube down his throat to help with breathing and placed a central line in his belly button to give the necessary meds for his heart.  Almost every appendage on our sweet little boy has wires or needles connected to him.  After that 2 ½ hours, the transfer team from Children’s came to pick him up.  They brought him to my room so I could see him and hold his hand before they whisked him away.  Michael was able to ride in the ambulance with him and he stayed with Josiah while I was still recovering from labor. 

Since that time, we have spent our days at Children’s Hospital.  Michael, of course, had to go back to work on Monday, but I am at the hospital from about 6 am until about 7 or 8 pm most days.  We have known that we would be spending time at the hospital for about 2 months now, but to actually experience it is a completely different thing!  Josiah had some problems breathing on his own the first few days, as he is a preemie and is still figuring out how to breathe consistently.  He had a couple of really good and stable days until his levels dropped one night and his kidney levels rose due to lack of blood flow.  On Wednesday, August 6, the doctors decided to go ahead with the Pulmonary Artery banding surgery—that day!  My mom was here visiting and we went down for breakfast and when we came back up to the room, the surgeon came in to tell us they would like to proceed with surgery that day—in about an hour or two!  As a shock to the system, they whisked our little boy off to surgery.  Thankfully, it was a success and Josiah did great!

We are now on day 2 following the surgery.  I know our Sy is a little fighter!  The doctors are continuing to try and find the right amount of medicine and ventilation for our little man to find the right balance of levels.  Since he is so small, they tell us that time is what will make the difference for him.

Day by day and minute by minute is how we are getting through this. There are so many ups and downs that I feel exhausted most of the time.  I know that we have a long road ahead of us, as we have only endured one surgery and we have at least 3 more to go!  Our sweet little boy is such a trooper and it kills me that I can’t pick him up and cradle him in my arms when his face is filled with panic after waking up and knowing his little world has already been rocked.  I know that we are receiving the best care possible and I am so thankful for the medical staff at this hospital.  The nurses, doctors, residents, fellows, students, nurse practitioners, surgeons, etc. have already played such a crucial role in Josiah’s life.  

Gratitude

After having a day yesterday that I felt so down, I can feel the prayers radiating around me as I’ve woken up today with a happier spirit.  Yesterday felt like a vicious cycle of having an IV in my arm, getting it out for a couple of days, only to get stuck with another one when contractions start back up.  I woke up in tears, cried when my doctor came on her rounds, and on the phone with my sister.  Days like that are the ones that I just don’t feel like myself and I felt as though I didn’t have the strength to last this hospital stay.  I was holding myself together when my doctor came into the room and when I asked her about taking out my IV, she gave me an immediate yes and I burst into tears. (Probably not the reaction she was looking for). I never realized how draining it can be to have something stuck in your arm for days, especially when every move I make hurts.  I am so thankful to be free of that stinky thing for another day!  I have been drinking water like a fiend so I don’t get dehydrated and get another IV!  When my hubby stayed the day with me on Sunday, he stuck my straw in my mouth every chance he got so I could stay hydrated.  He cares. J

I must say that after a day like yesterday, I am so thankful for our prayer warriors! God is using many people in our lives (and some people we don’t even know) to lift us up during this trying time.  I am continually humbled by the people here in Texas who have been so gracious to us and we just met most of them!  We have dinners provided for us this whole work week, which is a huge relief!  Things get pricey pretty quick when you’re living out of the hospital and people have been so kind!  Our window sill is loaded with snacks that we can munch on. Our fridge is full of lunches and dinners that we can eat when we need a meal.  I received 2 cards in the mail today and one beautiful bouquet of sunny flowers.  I feel like God is wrapping me in His arms during this very emotional stay because of all the people He is using to support us!

Of all of the things that I could’ve read today, I landed on 2 Corinthians 8, which speaks to generosity.  The beginning of verse 12 says, “For if willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has.”  Meaning: what matters is that people are willing to give, regardless of what it is that they can give.  I have seen that so much this past week and am so grateful for the generosity of people surrounding us during this time!  Whether it’s been a visit from a new friend, a meal for me and Michael, or just the continuous text messages that I get from friends who are far away; people have been giving above and beyond and we are humbled and so grateful for all of the support!

Home Away From Home

Well, if this makes any sense, I feel like I’m in a home away from home away from home!  I already felt as if I was missing my “hOmaha”, but now I’m stuck in the hospital for the next possible 6 weeks until I deliver, making me miss our actual home!  I really don’t know how to describe what I’m feeling, as I’m sitting on my hospital bed.  I have a small sense of comfort for the fact that I’m surrounded by people who are keeping an eye on me and Josiah, but there’s nothing “homey” about a hospital room, hospital food, nurses and doctors who come in to check on you every couple of hours (if not more), etc.!  For those of you who have been in the hospital long term, I’m sure you get it!  AND…this is only day 4!

I must say that I am SO blessed to have the BEST husband ever!  He has been such a trooper!  He sleeps in my room with me every night and he hasn’t been home since Tuesday, himself!  Even though he has tough 12 hour days, he is still getting me what I need in the middle of the night, he gets interrupted sleep when people come into our room, and he does it with such grace and compassion!  I find myself crying when he comes “home” and he simply holds me in his arms and tells me things will be ok.  He’s taking on a job that’s tough and doing it with skill, while being the stable ground for me.  Seriously…what a guy!

I feel as though there’s nothing major to report on the baby front.  Little Josiah is active as ever, just in a slightly more squished space.  They did an ultrasound the other day and I couldn’t believe the difference from 3 weeks before!  The amniotic fluid makes things seem so much more comfy for the little guy and now he barely has any!  It makes me feel so sad for my little squishy, even though the doctors say that he’s fine.  I haven’t been having any contractions and I’m not hooked up to any machines anymore.  They monitor his heart beat and my possible contractions for 30 minutes to an hour each morning and then I’m free for the day. I’ve always been pretty nervous about needles and all things medical, so it was a huge relief to get that IV out of my hand yesterday!  They take my temperature and blood pressure every 3-4 hours to make sure I’m not getting any infections. 

I am humbled by the amount of support we’ve received.  Michael and I have felt so loved by so many over the past few days.  Even though most of you are far away, the messages and notes of encouragement have been wonderful.  Someone wrote to me, “Know that so many prayers are going up on your behalf that I have no doubt you will feel God’s presence during this hard time in ways you never have before.”  That is so undoubtedly true!  There are many things that Michael and I are trying to figure out about our new situation and it seems as though God is working these logistics out for us.  Michael’s new coworkers and our new friends have been nothing but supportive and helpful during this time.  They are constantly asking how they can help.  Thank you for all of the support during this time! 

This Really is God's Plan...

Here’s a major prayer request coming from the Bailey’s.  The subtitle of this blog continues to ring truer and truer each day.  This plan is really not our own---God continues to make us look to him daily and say, “Alright, we thought this couldn’t get any harder, but all we have is faith, especially at this point.” 

This post is hard to write for a variety of reasons.  The first reason is that I have an IV in my wrist and a thing on my finger making it hard to type and the second is the unexpected reason that I have those things.  Unfortunately, my water broke this morning at 4 am. I am only 31 weeks pregnant, so this was definitely not in our plan.  The doctors have me on antibiotics, steroids, and sedatives to keep labor at bay.  The steroids help little Josiah’s lungs develop faster since he is now at risk of being a preemie, on top of everything else.  The NICU nurse practitioner came to talk to us about everything that will happen now that we may have a pre-term baby.  When he is born; if sooner than later; they will check his lungs first to see if they are mature enough to keep him stable. If they are not mature enough, they will insert a breathing tube and put additional steroid medication though that tube to help his lungs develop.  He will also get his IV through the umbilical cord started right away to get the PGE started to keep that hole in his heart open!  It all seems to be a big question as to when that first surgery will be.  Originally, it would have been during the first week of life, but if he is a preemie, it will be delayed. They need to get his other systems up to working order before he endures heart surgery.

The sedatives are to keep my contractions at bay.  Contrary to popular belief, just because my water broke does not mean that I am in active labor yet.  I have only had a few slight contractions and when those popped up, I was given a sedative to make them slow down.  Now, while I am grateful for this medication to keep our little man inside of me as long as possible, it is not an ideal medication because it literally knocked me out the second it was given to me.  I fell asleep for about 4 hours when I was given the sedation.  I do like to sleep, but I’m not a huge fan of being knocked out constantly. :/

Here’s the current game plan:

·         STAY PREGNANT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE!

·         Live in the hospital until I am not pregnant anymore

·         Get Josiah as big as possible before he decides to make his grand debut.

·         Keep Michael focused on his work during this crucial time.

Obviously, that game plan brings up huge prayer requests!  We love all of our prayer warriors and thank God for putting you in our lives!

Baby Burp Cloths

With the spare time that I have on my hands these days, I decided that I needed a weekly project.  This week: burp cloths.  It was super easy and it helps us get ready for our little man! Bonus!  Here’s the rundown of what I did:

First, I had to gather my supplies.  I went to Babies R’Us and got 2 packages of burp cloths.  They were on sale for buy one, get one 50% off, so I got 8 of them for about $10.  Then, I headed across the street to Jo-Ann Fabric and bought a couple of fabric squares and 3 spools of ribbon. You’ll see that one of the burp cloths has the same fabric as the crib skirt—I had some extra and I thought it was cute, so why not?!  I had thread on hand, so I didn’t need to buy any of that!  I washed all of the burp cloths and fabric before I started in on this project.

Next, get out the iron because I found that it was a very handy tool for this project!  I cut the fabric down to size and ironed away.  I folded the fabric in half and ironed on the fold.  I stuck the burp cloth down into the fold.  I folded the fabric around the edges and I folded it down on the top so there wouldn’t be a messy line on top. Iron all of these folds!  After the ironing, I pinned them all into place.

 

Take the ready to go burp cloth to the sewing machine and sew all the way around the edges.  It was an easy sewing project because it was a straight line all the way around. 

After the fabric is sewn into place, I cut a piece of ribbon and sewed that on the top, where the fabric meets the burp cloth.  I folded the ribbon in on the edges so I wouldn’t have frayed ends when it gets washed over and over.  I sewed the ribbon on the top and bottom because it gives it more of a finished look. 

And ta-dah! A finished burp cloth!

Change

Change is a funny thing, isn’t it?  Life all around us is changing at every moment, but we don’t necessarily take the time to notice. Kids keep growing, jobs keep progressing; skills are being learned.  Anyone who knows me well knows that change is not my favorite.  When I say that it’s not my favorite, I usually resist change with all of my power.  I get mad and cry and try not to let it happen. 

I remember when I interviewed for a job right after high school and I didn’t get it.  I was the top three for the interview process, which to this day boggles my mind because this job was WAY out of my skill-set, but they saw something in my resume.  They called to tell me that the hired someone else and I was so discouraged!  I got a retail job instead and 2 months later, that same company called me back to say they had a different position if I was interested.  I took the job, meaning that I had to quit the retail position that I had been in for one month.  This new job was perfect for me!  I was a receptionist and I loved it!  Funny how God can take a discouraging piece of our lives and when we wait it out just a little bit, He can show us something so much better!

Change seems so easy when it’s change for the better.  Change can also seem so hard when the change doesn’t necessarily go our way.  It’s funny because this move to Texas is the biggest change that I’ve ever experienced in my life, yet I really didn’t fight it.  For whatever reason, I took the news of our move with a grace that I didn’t realize was in me.  I remember when I “had” to move into my grandparents’ house for a few months back in college and I fought my parents so much about it!  I didn’t want to leave my space and live all the way across the street!  What happened? I loved living with my grandparents!  It was great!

I’m beginning to learn that although change can be very hard and discouraging, there’s usually an up-side.  Just wait. God will reveal something better.  This big change to Texas definitely has its up-sides.  Michael has a job that he loves!  I love hearing him talk about a job that’s hard, yet a place where he finally feels that he’s found his calling.  For the first time in a long while, he talks about a job that he’s excited to go to in the morning.  We’ve found a church that we really like.  We still don’t have the relationships that we had at our home church in Omaha, but that’s starting to come. 

Shauna Niequist writes in her book, Bittersweet, “You know this doesn’t happen over and over in your life.  You don’t get that many experiences of friendships like the ones you all share.’ But I think we wanted to believe he was wrong, and that friendships like these would pop up all over our lives like dandelions.” 

This is such a hard aspect of this change!  We loved the friendships we left in Omaha and I pray that we can experience true friendship in our new home.  We’ve never been the “newbies” in a place before, so it’s been an interesting turn of events for us.  I now know what it’s like for someone new to come into a new city and watch others with their already developed friendships.  It’s hard.

Shauna writes about change in her book and I think she describes changes so well! 

“I know better than to believe that the changes are over, and I know better than to believe that the next ones will be easier, but I’ve learned the hard way that change is one of God’s greatest gifts and one of his most useful tools.  I’ve learned the hard way that change can push us, pull us, rebuke and remake us.  It can show us who we’ve become, in the worst ways, and also in the best ways.  I’ve learned that it’s not something to run away from, as though we could, and I’ve learned that in many cases, change is not a function of life’s cruelty but instead a function of God’s graciousness.”

Change is a funny thing.  It’s scary and new.  I went back to the recovery group on Thursday night and I listened to stories of women who have all experienced change that they would have never placed in their lives.  One thing stuck out very loud and clear through their stories.  As they were dealing with these scary changes, the majority of their marriages took a turn for the worst.  I couldn’t help but leave and think, “Thank you, God, for your graciousness to keep Michael and I connected through the midst of all of these changes.”  That is our continued prayer, that as our lives continue to change, that our marriage would thrive and we’d become closer than ever.  The next year will only continue to get harder, but I know that God has a plan for all of these upcoming changes.  Our lives are completely in his hands.  These changes are going to send our lives into waters so deep that we’ll only have our faith to keep our heads above the water. God knows.

-Carrie

Baby Fun

With all of the posts about Baby Boy’s heart condition and our overwhelming move, it’s time for a good ole’ happy baby post!  We've started to get the nursery set up and it’s so fun!  I find myself going into his room to just sit and look at all of the cute things!  We've decided to go with a giraffe/safari theme, so things are coming together pretty quickly.  Michael and I both had a tub full of beany babies, so we dumped them all into a basket for baby boy to play with when he gets a little older.  Oddly enough, we really didn't have too many duplicates. J  We got the swing set up last weekend. (When I say “we”, I mean Michael put it together, but I watched).  We also got the crib set up.  I decided to make my own crib skirt for the crib because I couldn't bring myself to spend $40+ on a crib skirt, when I could make one myself.  This also allowed me to get a fabric that I really wanted for his bed.  We also purchased our first box of diapers.  I planned on stock piling diapers a while ago, but with the move, they just got put on the back burner.  I must say—little teeny tiny baby diapers are just the cutest!

Now, with any new baby, the big question is: What’s the name?  Originally, Michael and I decided that we would save the name for a surprise once he’s born.  However, with the diagnosis of his little heart, we decided that our little boy deserved his name before he entered this world so people could pray for him by name.  We have had this name since we first got married over 5 ½ years ago.  Michael has liked the name long before we got married, so it worked out nicely that I loved the name as well.  His sweet little name is Josiah.  It means Jehovah Saves, which reduced me to tears when I looked it up before my first appointment with a specialist. It was amazing to see that this name was truly set on our hearts for this little boy.  I don’t think we could have given this little boy a more perfect name.  We are still deciding on the middle name, however we are almost 99% sure that we have a middle name figured out.  I’ll wait on the middle name to keep you all in suspense. J 

I've posted a couple of pictures of the things we have set up in the nursery.  Enjoy!

Baby Update

I had another visit to Dallas Children’s Hospital, which included another fetal echo and a meeting with the cardiologist.  She explained the three surgeries to me again and what to expect once he’s born.  Here’s the summary of our initial time in the hospital, including the first surgery.

The left ventricle is still measuring too small.  This means that the right side of the heart is doing all of the work.  It means that the blood flow goes a different route than a normal heart.  Something they are keeping their eye on is the PDA hole, which is still open and looking good. The function of his right ventricle looks healthy. The valve on the right side of the heart is leaking a tiny bit, but at this rate, that is not a concern.  If this leak gets worse, he’ll have problems later.

Since we are having all of these additional ultrasounds and echoes to look at our little man's heart, I asked for a picture of his heart.  Here are two pictures.  One shows the whole heart and the second is the same picture circling the hypoplastic section of his heart.

At delivery, things should look similar to a normal birth.  Depending on what he looks like when he comes out, they will clean him and wrap him up next to my bed.  There is a possibility that I will be able to hold him at that point, but that all depends on how he looks when he is born.  If he is bluer than they expected, they will take him quicker. After that point, they will take him to the ICU and check him head to toe.  They will start the medicine PGE (Prostaglandin) to keep the PDA open in his heart.  This allows the oxygenated blood to get to his brain, kidneys, etc.  After the medicine is started and he is stable, he will ride in an ambulance to Children’s.

Once he is at Children’s, they will do another assessment, head to toe.  They will do a head ultrasound and a kidney ultrasound.  Problems with the brain and kidneys tend to go with heart problems, so they make sure that everything is looking good before surgery.  They will do several detailed echoes of his heart.  They do several so they make sure they can get all of the details possible.  After all of this, he will have his first surgery during the first week of his life.  They want him to be in the best condition possible for this surgery. 

After this surgery, they have us adhere to “sternal precautions”.  Since they cracked his chest open, we cannot pick him up under the armpits, like other babies.  We will do more of a scooping motion under his butt and back to pick him up. This is for 6-8 weeks after each surgery.  After the 6-8 weeks and the doctors feel like the bone is healed, we can pick him up under the armpits.

After they have his levels where they want, they begin to work on eating.  Something I didn’t realize is that he will not get his feeding tube until this point.  He will have an IV until the surgery (and a little after) that gives him nourishment.  When he gets his feeding tube, they will slowly drip in food to get his stomach and intestines used to having food. They will save my breast milk in the order that I pump so he is getting the first milk to the most current. When we get transferred to the 8^th floor, which is out of the ICU, a speech therapist will help him learn to eat.  How does that work, you ask? They use different kinds of support for his jaw, look for different cues on when he wants to eat vs. doesn’t want to eat, and they practice giving a little pressure on his tongue.  I will also be taught these methods so I will be able to feed him with a bottle. 

Before we go home, we’ll get a scale to weigh him daily, a pulse ox to check his oxygen, and a binder to keep everything written down.  We will also get the number of a nurse practitioner and doctor, who we can call 24/7 with any questions.

Once we’re home, we’ll have weekly cardiac visits.  We’ll have periodic echoes. What does being at home look like?  Will I ever be able to go out with him?  Most families stay home a lot during this time period.  There are the normal newborn precautions, plus some.  Wash hands; don’t let anyone who’s sick come over, etc.  Church is a big precaution because people like to touch babies and see them.  Put a blanket over the carrier and let people glance, but not touch.

Developmentally: any children who goes into the hospital, even if it’s just something like asthma, can have developmental delays.  He has several risk factors for developmental delays. The first is now, even in utero, his brain development is different because of the different circulation that his heart has.  Since the blood in his heart is routed differently, that causes different brain development.  Doctors have noticed that even before the first surgery, these babies have different development in their brains.  This puts him at risk for being behind in speech, being behind in motor skills, and typically being behind in math skills.  The good thing is that doctors know he is at risk, so they already have the right people lined up to help him developmentally.  Also, ADHD is sometimes associated with this.  With all of this said, there are still kids with HLHS who are completely normal.  He will have therapy from the very beginning.  He will have an OT (occupational therapist), PT (physical therapist), and speech therapist. He will have these people as long as he needs it.  After the second surgery, they can be much more aggressive with therapy if he needs it.

This is the gist of our first few months with our sweet little guy.  Feel free to email me if you have specific questions regarding anything.

-Carrie

Raw Truth

It has now been a little over a month since we found out the news on our little bean.  During this past month, I've been flooded with overwhelming doctor’s visits loaded with information on his condition, I've traveled back and forth from Nebraska, all the while moving down to Texas, and I've tried to adjust to the fact that I no longer live in a place of security and comfort.  In the midst of everything that has happened over the past month, I've completely shut out the one source of truth from my life because it’s been too painful to face God.  In fact, with everything that has been going on, it’s been pretty easy to turn away from my daily routine of reading my Bible.  I've had so much going on, it’s been a whole lot easier to do fun things rather than actually think about this new reality.  It’s hard to read my Bible and pray when it’s through tears of pain.  The cold and hard question of “Why?” keeps resurfacing.  I can’t make it through a church service without tears because I’m hearing God’s truths, but they seem so distant.

I've started reading the book, “One Thousand Gifts”, given to me by my Aunt.  I think the author of this book puts words to my feelings much better than I am able to get out:

“No, God, we won’t take what You give. No, God, Your plans are a gutted, bleeding mess and I didn't sign up for this and You really thought I’d go for this? No, God, this is ugly and this is a mess and can’t You get anything right and just haul all this pain out of here and I’ll take it from here, thanks.” (One Thousand Gifts, pg. 14) 

There’s some true honesty.  It’s so easy to feel this way when life deals a hand that I feel like I just can’t handle.  Why did God bless us with this baby…a baby that I've longed to meet for such a long time…a beautiful piece of myself and my husband…only to give this precious child a painful entry into this world?  Not only a painful entry, but a life filled with struggles and trials that I’ll never know what he’s truly going through.

When I think about the words from the book, there are parts that truly express my grief and pain, but would I really take it from here?  No.  No, I wouldn't.  Even though I have no idea why God would move us to a new place with a new job that is more encompassing that I ever imagined and to top it all off, our sweet baby who is due in less than 3 short months will be born with a heart defect.  Why would God place all of this on us all at the same time?  As Ann writes, “There’s a reason I am not writing the story and God is.  He knows how it all works out, where it all leads, what it all means” (pg. 21). 

This week, I've decided to face God again.  I’m not going to lie, it’s been painful and tear filled.  His truths have been ingrained in me, but it hurts to read them during a trial.  I've come back to 2 Corinthians. 

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”  2 Corinthians 4:17

I read this and look at those two words: light and momentary.  Really?  This doesn't feel light or momentary!  This feels heavy and sentencing!  But, seen from the perspective of eternity, the things that Michael and I are currently faced with ARE light and momentary.  Yes, Baby Boy will deal with this condition his whole life, but its life that we get to experience with him!  I don’t know how long his life will be.  I don’t know what God’s plans are when he’s born.  I don’t know if he’ll beat all the medical odds and live a long, happy life where he gets to see our end, rather than the reverse.  I don’t know God’s plans.  What I do know is that this plan that’s unfolding before us is for achieving eternal glory. 

I've realized a few things during the whirlwind of this past month.  One: if we had stayed in Omaha, it would have been much easier to go to others in our lives to talk out our pain and anger.  Being in a foreign place has made us rely more on each other.  Yes, there are cellphones and Skype available, but that’s not what has happened.  Two: we still hardly know anyone in this city!  With that being said, I have a lot of free time to read my Bible and really think about what’s happening.  It’s taken some time to get to a place where I’m ready to face it, but I’m finally there.  Three: does God give us more than we can handle?  Yes!  I feel like this is way more than I can handle!  But, it’s so I eventually come running back to Him. I can’t handle this situation on my own, nor can Michael.  We need to pray for God’s all-surpassing power.  I don’t want to think about upcoming surgeries, medical bills, long days in the ICU, etc.  It’s all so overwhelming.  But, God has a plan.  I need to start relying on that truth.  God’s plan is better than mine, even when it feels like it isn't. 

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18

This whole experience is temporary.  The wait to meet our baby boy will soon be over when he enters this world.  Then, the long days and nights in the hospital will be temporary.  Does it feel that way now? No, but someday it will.  Fixing my eyes on the temporary will cause me to lose heart.  Fixing my eyes on the unseen, which is no less real for being invisible, are eternal and imperishable.  This is where I need to fix my eyes. 

-Carrie

Some "Firsts"

It was a great week “back” in Omaha. However, I really didn’t feel like I left since I was only gone for about 12 days.  It felt more like a vacation than a move. When I moved at the beginning of June, I knew I’d be back in Omaha for a little over a week, so moving didn’t seem so hard.  Now I think of all of the friends and family that we’re leaving behind and how hard it was be to say goodbye!  I’ve felt very blessed over the past week by the baby showers and new items for our little guy.  We are well on our way to having a well-stocked baby. J 

I have also felt immensely blessed by everyone in Omaha who is praying for our little guy and our new life.  As great as it was to be back in Omaha this week, it was overwhelming all the same.  Rehashing the details of Baby Boy’s condition is hard and there are nights when it all hits me.  A worship song stuck out at church and as we sang the song, all I could think about was our little boy. This is Hillsong, “God is Able”:

“God is Able

He will never fail

He is almighty God

Greater than all we seek

Greater than all we ask

He has done great things

Lifted up, He defeated the grave

Raised to life, our God is able

In His name, we overcome

For the Lord, our God is able.”

Again, I must say how different worship songs have a completely new meaning to me as we are faced with this trying new circumstance. 

Now that I’m back in Dallas—for good this time—it has definitely sunk in that I’m here. :/  If that makes any sense?  It’s much more real knowing that we have no trips planned back “home” for at least a year.  With our baby boy and all of his upcoming medical conditions, there is no way that I’ll take him on a road trip!  You know what that means?  Ya’ll need to come down our way to visit! (You like that Texas accent!?) 

This week has already been a week of “firsts”.  Moving to a different state is truly the biggest first of them all!  I also shaved Michael’s head for the first time!  We have always counted on our tried and true friend, Leslie, for those things, so the baton was passed to me!  It turned out pretty good, although a little closer around the ears than it should have been.  His hair is so short that you can barely tell. :)  Let’s see, I had to wax my own eyebrows.  Although this wasn’t a true first, I haven’t done it since high school and I need some practice!  I drove in true Dallas traffic by MYSELF for the first time.  I made it to my doctor’s appointment by myself and then to the grocery store and back home.  I did wind up in the airport toll booth area at one point, which was not where I needed to be, but I got out of there and the lady at the tollbooth didn’t make me pay for the 2 minutes I was in there trying to figure my way back out!  I don’t know if I’ve ever used valet parking on my own, but I did that too.  The hospital has valet parking at most entrances, so instead of paying to park in the garage, I’ll pay someone else to park for me. :)  In Dallas heat and the fact that I had no idea where I needed to go, I’ll leave my car with someone who can park it for me!

I also met my new doctor for the first time.  I had my first appointment with my new OB/MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine) doctor on Tuesday.  They started out with an ultrasound.  Baby Boy is looking good.  He weighs 2 lbs. 11 oz.  He is currently in the 75th percentile.  Whoa!  I’m glad that he’s growing big and strong for the plain and simple fact that a big baby does better in surgery when he’s born.  Keep growing baby boy! As always with ultrasounds, he didn’t cooperate the way they wanted him to.  Once again, he was in the wrong position to see his heart and they couldn’t get a profile picture of him for me because he was looking straight at us the whole time.  The little stinker is also in a breech position currently.  His little feet are dancing on my bladder most of the time.  Let’s pray that he turns in time for delivery!  They also saw some fluid in his kidney; however, they said that was normal.  Something that I really liked about this ultrasound is that the ultrasound tech did the initial view, and then an ultrasound doctor came in to explain things as she went over the ultrasound again.  In the past, my doctor would just go over the ultrasound in the appointment, rather than talking about the ultrasound while we were actually looking at the baby. 

After the ultrasound, I went into a consult room to meet my new doctor.  We chatted for about 30 minutes and she answered several of my questions about delivery, appointments, etc.  She explained that she wants the delivery to look as normal as possible with me having a normal delivery (not a C-section), hopefully laying him on my chest as soon as he’s born, and daddy being able to cut the cord.  All of this depends, of course, but that is what delivery of these babies typically looks like.  She said that his incubator will be set up next to my bed, so he’ll be getting checked over right next to me before they transport him to Children’s.  We discussed the possibility of getting an amniocentesis, which she said is completely up to me and Michael.  They didn’t see anything abnormal in his ultrasound and she said they wouldn’t even do the amnio until 38 weeks because there is risk of early delivery and water breaking.  She didn’t want to put me at that risk until the very end when Baby Boy is more stable.  I really liked my new doctor and I think she’ll be great!  I go back in two weeks for another appointment with my MFM and another Fetal Echo at Dallas Children’s. 

Hopefully some more firsts will come for Michael and I this weekend with meeting some new friends!  We are trying to get into a “home group” at church and we hope to meet with a group on Sunday.  Pray for good connections and that the group is meeting on Sunday for us to meet them!

-Carrie